08 December 2010 @ 06:38 am
 
I was supposed to do that letter writing challenge some weeks back but the the first one completely shook me up.
1) Write a letter to your best friend.

What best friend? The only one I could ever claim is no longer even a friend.

The one that I wish was already has a few life mates.

Hold on a minute. I can't be emu with this song playing in the background. Earth Wind and Fire's September. :D *dances a jig

I'll be doing the...
10 day shimmyba challenge.

* Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
* Nine things about yourself.
* Eight ways to win your heart.
* Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
* Six things you wish you’d never done.
* Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
* Four turn offs.
* Three turn ons.
* Two smileys that describe your life right now.
* One confession

Maybe you know I'm not always honest with myself. I let myself believe I can dissect any situation and configure it. More often than not I mangle and tangle. What I detest the most is I directly caused what has become a joke to us. At least two people are happy because of it. I hope you know that I just felt in my bones she wasn't worth your time. I'm truly sorry but I guess I was a little angry at your blunt confrontation. Still it wasn't my place. The worst part is you have no idea.

Two bees from the same hive and I only wanted one at my rebirth. Why? The other bee severed ties with me but not before cursing my name to the honey-heavens and going against me at every turn. All the while he was buzzing 'round for whores. He was once my closest confidante and I really cared about him. So my finger accidentally slipped and I invited that bee to aforementioned event via a social networking site. How was that possible? I dunno, I'm accustomed to wanting all the lima beans to be with me. ++ I wanted someone who has been an amazing friend to be there and he didn't feel comfortable, bla bla. Anyway, this isn't about him. It's about us. You confronted me after I was "reborn" and then you stormed off. Dude, it was my birthday. At least you didn't pinch me like my madre did. Any who, I miss updating you on my days, our sacred girl talks. I miss your hugs and dancing around with you. I was proud to claim you as a chick friend. You got me but I guess we're both too proud. I hope our friendship still means something to you and we just let bygones be bygones.

I wish you didn't find me so repulsive that you would ignore all my calls. I wish you could see me through the same looking glass by the same light. I tell you that I am a mess and you say I have always been. Maybe you're right but you've always been a conformist. I give myself wiggle room but you just stay shut in your box. Although that expression can be applied more literally to my case I think you are the one who is trapped. I need you. I've needed you now more than EVER. You know I hate admitting I need anyone for anything. I tried to be cool with Jesus for you. You can't deny that I took care of you. The fact of the matter is that I think of you everyday and I wish you were the only one in my life again. So long, hetero life mate.

One of the things that I like best about you is that you're always right beside me. I wake to the sound of my head rubbing against you. Your aroma is all over my robe as I open my eyes. I nibble on you even when I'm nervous. I can claw into you and find an abundance of crunchy goodness. I love that your vacant eye and yellow beak are the first things I see each morn. Beyonce was right. You are soooo replaceable. I just have to make my way to the cereal aisle. Original cornflakes, you will always be my BFF. <3

I never truly know if you've written me off or still think I have a good head on my shoulders. You shut people away and it's really off-putting because you're someone that is worth knowing and would be a treasure to be close to. Stop being such a little misanthrope and be my fucking friend!

I worry about you quite a bit. I remember the first time I saw you. I sat in your parents' car and you said you liked my blue hair. You were probably just trying to be nice but those were such welcome words. +Anyone who appreciates hair dye is a-okay by my book. Except her, she's still a skank. You were always willing to harbor me whenever my emotional boat was rocking and you even helped a bit when it was sinking. I always wanted to set a good example even though you probably never looked up to me. I hope you understand through the example of my own tumultuous path just how vital an education is to a person's soul. I refused it and I was rotting. I always lectured you, I know. It was just because I really cared. I still do but I just don't feel like I can have a place in your life. I wanted to be a part of your family but your parents dislike me very much for reasons I'm sure you're aware of. You know I loved you because you reminded me of him but I didn't tell you enough when I was alive what a remarkable person you are. You're blossoming, my dear-in more ways than one so please, please take care.

I thought I forgot how to laugh until I met you. You make me want to listen to Debbie Gibson. Okaaaay, that's enough Debbie Gibson. >_<

To be honest (see #1), I kind of miss my desperation for you. It's amazing that I could hate myself enough to love someone to that degree. This might sound a little over-dramatic to those who aren't familiar with the ongoing situation and the circumstances that led up to it but everything rings true.