"If a young mind is made a slave to science and treated merely as an instrument in furthering scientific progress, its education suffers, becomes narrow, and shortsighted. But if on the other hand too much emphasis is laid on the open mind, on a purely humanistic culture, there is a danger of superficiality and unreality."

I'm trying to record my adventures. That's a lie. These are thoughts. I doubt they'll be much else. Few things ever are.

I learned to braid a single plait down my back just now. Something that despite roomfuls of female cousins I never learned so that's one for me, universe.

Things I Still Don't Know How to Do:

swim

• drive a car


• make rice without burning the bottom of it


• frijoles de la olla (dunno what to even call this in English and I'm too lazy to look it up)

I have about fifty years or so to learn how to do these things and they're basic, right? I should get the hang of them. In regards to things I should have learned fifteen years ago:

• play the guitar


• learn to sing and play the guitar concurrently


• not to let relationships define me


• braid a single plait down my back

write every day

What do I need to learn right now?

• the California Drivers Handbook


• the Golden Rule


• how to be alone with my thoughts


• people with ADHD/ADD probably need complete silence to be efficient and I might as well accept that

even if I'm not the best candidate for marriage or motherhood, I can still work on being a damn good writer, right?

to breathe without getting the urge to play "Breathe" by Anna Nalick and pretend I'm 12 years old

that I need to write like I'm running out of time

8 years have passed since my last journal entry and I still need all the same things.

A permit.
A license.
A car.

There is a new direction but still an all too familiar fear that makes me feel like I am on the edge of seventeen.

Have I really learned nothing in all of this time? Where's the arc? The growth or development?

What the fuck am I supposed to be at 26? All the things I couldn't be when I was seventeen? And will I manage it this time?

There are too many questions I don't have a lot of answers to. I am trying to keep it simple. I want to work and eat out with friends.

Graduate with a shit ton of debt. Get paid to write. This is something only I can imagine really happening.

I just need to write.

(in no particular order)

1. Permit
2. License
3. New phone w/h new plan/provider
4. Glasses
5. Dental check-up
6. Root canal and Fillings
7. Car

"May I make a suggestion, hoping it is not an impertinence? Write it down: write down what you feel. It is sometimes a wonderful help in misery."

-Robertson Davison's Letter to Horace Davenport (3 April 1989)


In future-spect, you wouldn't think that four days of no updates couldn't amount to this much build-up or leave so much residue.